Twilight Gangsta Raps!
by honkugly
Summary: This is a random rap about Twilight from Bella and Edward's point of view if they were gangstas. It also contains a rap with Jacob, Bella and friends if they were gangstas in New Moon and a rap about the events in Eclipse.
1. Twilight Gangsta Rap

**Twilight Gangsta Rap**

Bella: _Ok, so what, my name is Bella and I come from Phoenix_

_My sob story's so sad that your gonna need a Kleenex_

_My parents broke up, they livin' far apart_

_My mom's cool, my dad is weird, yeah he's such an old fart_

_So I'm movin into this little queer town called Forks_

_When I get there I'm like 'Well all these peeps are a bunch of dorks'_

_So I see this guys who's hot, but he doesn't date,_

_Then I notice something weird: There's nothing on his plate_

Chorus: _And I'm just like 'This Guy is hot' _

_Maybe he's something everyone is not_

_And I'm just like 'This Guy's so cute'_

_Maybe he's not your average beaut_

_So I go in to Bioligy and I sit by him_

_I think that fate's going to far out on a limb_

_Sayin' there's something different bout' him's not a lie_

_You can see that he is awkward by that look in his eye_

_So I talk to him a bit and find he's really cool_

_Got such a hot boyfriend, can't pay attention in school_

_I hear something and find that Jacob Black is not a liar_

_My boyfriend Edward, all the Cullens ,yeah, they're all vampires_

_He don't eat, he sucks blood_

_He says I should be scared but I still think he's a stud_

_He's real fast, looks pretty in the sun_

_You can't take him away cause he's my honeybun_

(Optional Edward Intro: _E to the D, W, A, R to the D_

_And ain't No other vampire put it down like me_

_I'm Edwardlicious, Yeah I know I'm Hot_

_Your so delicious, uh-uh-uh-uh Hold up! _

Check me out!)

(Edward does some weird 'vampire' dancing.)

Edward: _So I got two bros, yeah, Emmett and Jasper_

_Yeah Jasper rhymes with the friendly ghost called Casper_

_Yeah that show was funny_

( Bella:_ Edward, you're getting off the point a bit_) _Ok, Bella honey _

_So Bella and I we had a date at Angeles the Port_

_And she watched my family play baseball, an American sport_

_And then Alice sees something with her precognitions_

_She says 'Edward, hurry up, put the car in ignition!'_

_So there's this dude after Bella named James_

_Yeah compared us his name is lame_

_He thinks running after Bella is a game_

_And unlike us, this sucker isn't at all tame_

Bella: _So I got right outta town, knocked down Charlie's door_

_Sayin 'Charlie, I ain't dealin' with your crap no more!'_

_So in the end Edward saves me and he sucks my blood_

_You still thinkin' this story is such a dud?_

_Say, what time is it, Edward?_

Edward: _Twilight_

Bella: _Yeah, what time is it Edward?_

Edward: _Twilight_

Bella: _Dude, these vampires are gangsta!_

Edward: _Yeah, my name's gangsta!_

Bella & Edward: _Yeah, da book's gangsta!_

_Yeah, Twilight's gangsta!_

_Twilight gangsta rap!_


	2. New Moon Gangsta Rap

**New Moon Gangsta Rap**

**Bella: **_Hello, my name is Bella and I'm back again,_

_I'm not done rappin till this story's at the end,_

_It's gonna get depressing in a moment now,_

_But so what, I'm gonna stay gangsta anyhow_

_It's my birthday but I party like I'm ninety-nine_

_Thanks for me, Alice's decorating keeps everyone's spirits in line,_

_I tell em all I don't really wanna present_

_But Edward's rich, he thinks I'm acting like a poor old peasant_

_So anyway the party was a big rip off_

_I bled and Jasper tried to suck my whole lip off_

_Carlisle was all cool with his surgeon equipment_

_But it didn't get all of sweet Edward's contentment_

_My sexy vampire boyfriend just left me in the wood_

_So now I'm gonna cry like an angel in the hood_

_This werewolf-looking Sam dude comes and picks me up_

_While Edward's off on vacation drinking red blood cells from a cup_

_So I check out this dude named Jacob from the Indian place La Push_

_And then get the feelin' that I also like his tush_

_He gets me into trouble so I can have hallucinations _

_I love startin' up crap now, it's my new occupation_

**Jacob: **_Here Bella take my shirt so I can show you my chest_

**Bella: **_Jacob, you're nowhere near as hot as Edward, so just give it a rest_

**Jacob: **_Guess what? ( _**Bella: **_You're a werewolf) Yeah, but I'm not s'pose to tell you_

_And Guess what? I keep away da bloodsuckers so they don't even smell you_

**Bella: **_Oh no, in happy place I found this Laurent creep_

_He wants revenge, so I'm in doo-doo that's deep_

**Jacob: **_ROAR! Look Bella I just scared him off_

**Bella: **_Ya know, you're kinda acting like a big show-off_

**Jacob:**_I'm telling you, with me these vampires won't even get a sniff_

**Bella: **_Oh what the heck, screw this, Jacob, I'm jumpin' off a cliff_

**Alice: **_Oh no, Rosalie! Bella's dead!_

_She jumped off a cliff and sunk her head_

_This isn't good at all, and don't tell Edward!_

**Rosalie: **_You know I hate Bella, so you won't hear I said a word_

**Jacob: **_Guess what, Bella? I saved your life!_

**Bella: **_Oh, great! Now I have to deal with all this strife!_

**Alice: **_Good, your alive, come to Italy, Edward's sad_

**Bella: **_Awesome, I love repeatedly dumping my dad!_

**Bella: **_Edward, guess what?! I'm not really dead!_

**Edward: **_That's weird, that's not what Rosalie said_

**Alice: **_There's a word for Rosalie, but I'm not gonna say it_

**Edward: **_I think I'll sing_ Oh Happy Day! (**Bella: **_Don't, you're gonna slay it)_

(Optional Volturi Intro: _V-O-L-T-U-R-I! Girl, we got lots of alibi! We sexy! Yeah, we old but Sexy! Yeah Yeah!_)

**Volturi:** _Hey, let's all play and torture Bella_

**Edward: **_Don't touch her or y'all gonna go to hella_

**Volturi: **_Promise Bella will be a vampire and then ya can leave_

**Edward: **_Sure whatever…Great, now ya got her cryin' on my sleeve_

(Edward, Bella and Alice return to boring old Forks.)

**Charlie: **_Where'd ya go this time? Bella, you're grounded_

**Edward: **_Get outta here Jacob, our you're gonna get pounded_

**Charlie: **_Bella, I think Edward is a meanie and a crook_

**Bella: **_Crap! Now we gotta storyline for another book_

**Bella: **_Dude, these I werewolves are gangsta!_

**Jacob: **_Yeah, Native Americans are gangsta!_

**Bella: **_The book's gangsta!_

**Jacob:**_ The picture's gangsta!_

**Bella: **_Yeah, New Moon's gangsta_

**All: **_New Moon Gangsta Rap!_


	3. Eclipse Gangsta Rap

**Eclipse Gangsta Rap**

**Bella: **_Ok, so now I have some issues with my two boyfriends_

_Edward's fine with it but Jacob's like "It depends"_

_I know they're natural enemies, but I want them both,_

_I don't care if all they do is despise and loathe_

_Edward's trying to get me in a hip college_

_But he knows that I have very little knowledge_

_He'll try to get me in with some of his money_

_But me going to Dartmouth is just too darn funny_

**Edward: **_Bella, let's go to Florida and see your mom_

**Bella: **_Fine, just as long as you don't take me to prom_

**Jacob: **_Bella, Victoria came back to get you last night_

_And your bloodsucker friends and I got into a little fight_

**Alice: **_Bella, come with me and let's have a sleepover!_

**Rosalie: **_I'll tell you my life story so you'll have something to weap over!_

**Alice: **_You know I'm only doing this to get a free car_

**Bella: **_That's fine, but girls please don't take this too far\_

_Guess what? I think somebody just snuck into my house_

_And I don't think this person is you're normal mouse_

_There's some vampire that wants murder me again_

_Good thing that Jacob and Edward are going to make him pay for his sin_

**Jacob: **_Bella, you're invited to bonfire party_

_And yes you're coming, so don't try to be a smarty,_

_We'll hear stories about werewolves and vampires,_

_And it'll be so spooky in the woods around the campfire_

**Jasper: **_Bella, I was a soldier in a vampire army_

_I got so good at it that nothing could harm me_

_You're gonna need my skills in this battle coming up_

_Invite the werewolves 'cuz we're gonna have a big rough-up_

**Bella: **_Edward, I'm too worried, I don't want you to fight,_

_I have a good idea, you could stay with me for the night,_

_We could have some fun and then spend the night in bed_

**Edward: **_You have to marry me first, so forget what you said_

**Jacob: **_Hey, I thought I'd stop by for a quick kiss with Bella,_

**Edward: **_If you can keep her warm, you stay, but you really smell (uh!)_

**Jacob: **_I gotta fight now, and I think I'll just die_

**Bella: **___Ok, you can have your kiss but then you gotta fly!_

**Victoria: **_Hello, lovebirds, you're all gonna die!_

**Edward: **_I don't think so, I'm gonna make you cry_

**Bella: **_I think I'll cut myself with this rock and I'll become emo!_

**Edward: **_Ha! I cut her head and it rolled around like Nemo!_

**Bella: **_Oh no, Edward! Jacob got hurt!_

**Carlisle: **_Look, I saved this poor girl in a skirt!_

**Jane: **_Oh, looks like we missed it! Well, they're dead now!_

**Bella: **_Good, cuz it's almost wedding time, anywhow!_

**Edward: **_Yeah, we're sill gangsta!_

**Jacob: **_Werewolves are gangsta!_

**Edward: **_No vampires are gangsta!_

**Bella: **_You're all gangsta! The book's gangsta!_

**Edward, Bella & Jacob: **_Yeah, Eclipse is gangsta!_

**All: **_Eclipse Gangsta Rap!_


End file.
